Why Do I Keep Doing This to Myself?! (Annie’s Rolling Her Eyes Too)
How My Rottweiler and a Little Organization Keep Me From Losing It (Most Days)
When I got disabled from my career, I naively thought I’d be stepping into a peaceful, relaxing life. You know, the kind with plenty of time to sip coffee, read books, and do whatever people do when they’re not running on the hamster wheel of 12-hour shifts. What I didn’t account for was the endless parade of doctor appointments, errands, and the chaos that seems to follow me everywhere.
Still, I was relieved to leave behind the job that had turned into a daily stress marathon. Once upon a time, I loved my work as a computer operations analyst. I thrived in the tech world back in the day — yes, back when keypunch operators were still a thing (don’t you dare Google that).
But things took a turn when management, in their infinite wisdom, decided I should be on the phones. The phones. At a global company. Without TTYs or any accommodations. Let’s say it wasn’t pretty. I was passing off calls to coworkers like hot potatoes, apologizing profusely, and silently praying for my shifts to end.
Fast forward to today, and I’m no longer juggling phone calls, but I am juggling something equally chaotic — myself.
Mornings Are My Nemesis
Check this out: my Rottweiler, Annie, is sitting on the bed, giving me her patented you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me look. Meanwhile, I’m flinging shirts, shoes, and a growing mountain of laundry around like I’m auditioning for a one-woman disaster show.
Every morning, it’s the same thing. I set my alarm three hours before I need to leave, thinking that’s plenty of time to get ready, plan my day, and be a productive person. And yet, somehow, I always end up scrambling.
I’ll yell, “Annie! Where’s my other shoe?!” (as if she’s the one who misplaced it) or, “Why didn’t I do laundry last night?!” Annie doesn’t bother responding. She rolls her eyes and sighs, probably wondering why she got stuck with such a hopeless human.
Procrastination Comes Back to Bite
The real kicker is it’s not just the getting ready part that’s chaotic — it’s the whole day. I never go to the doctor and come straight home. No, I’m one of those people who thinks I might as well get all my errands done while I’m out.
By the time I’ve gone to the pharmacy, the post office, the grocery store, and anywhere else I’ve put off all week, I’m completely drained. And yet, I repeat this same exhausting routine every time. Why? Because apparently, I love chaos.
The Social Media Trap
Another thing I’ve learned (the hard way) is that mornings and distractions don’t mix. If I so much as glance at my phone to scroll through social media, it’s game over. Before I know it, I’m deep into videos of dogs doing silly things (which, to be fair, is research for Annie’s future children’s book series…right?).
But seriously, getting sucked into the internet first thing in the morning is like throwing a wrench into a well-oiled machine. It derails my focus, eats up time, and leaves me more stressed than when I started.
Complaining Doesn’t Help (But It’s So Tempting)
I’ve also realized that starting my day with complaints is a one-way ticket to a bad mood. Believe me, I’ve tested this theory extensively.
If I kick off the morning whining about how nothing fits, I’m running late, or my hair won’t cooperate, the rest of the day feels like one long struggle. But when I manage to keep my cool (and get Annie to stop judging me), the day actually goes smoother.
The Turning Point
Eventually, I got tired of living in this self-inflicted cycle of chaos and decided to make some changes. I started setting out my clothes the night before, putting my to-do list on sticky notes instead of in my head, and keeping my phone on the other side of the room until I was fully dressed and ready to face the world.
Has it been easy? Absolutely not. Annie could write a book on all the times I’ve slipped back into my old habits (and she probably will, given her attitude lately). But the small changes I’ve made have saved me so much unnecessary stress.
Lessons Learned
If there’s one thing I’ve discovered, it’s that starting the day on the right foot makes a world of difference. Getting organized, staying off my phone, and cutting back on the complaints all help me focus on the positives — like how lucky I am to have a dog who sticks with me even when I’m a hot mess.
So now, when Annie rolls her eyes at me, it’s less about the chaos and more about my questionable outfit choices. And honestly? I’ll take that as progress.
Thank you very much for taking your time to read my story!